Personal Details

•  Born in Harrow Weald, Middlesex, during the 2nd World War.

• My own inner hell (night terrors) became fully developed. Up to the age of 6 I had an intensely tormenting night-time inner world, in which I was a wolf-like animal. In that tormented inner world I was pursued by certain types of normally inanimate object, each of which in its menacing animate form had a special name. Thus violin cases narrow end up were sproses, and the same with broad end up were sprouses; room lights that came down from the ceiling, hissing at me (the source of intense terror) were doots, and so on. These terrors overlay my true night terrors - a maelstrom of ultra-Satanistic-type 'horror movies' of unremitting power and intensity. In between my fleeing the pursuing terrors, I was desperately seeking company and closeness, which could never be found. An explanation for the whole hellish complex of experiences can be found on my page Night Terrors and Hearing Voices.

• Natural history interest commenced (started with keeping caterpillars).
• Formal schooling started.

The whole of my formal schooling was something of an abomination and had little to do with the real needs of individual beings. It brought me pretty well unremitting unhappiness, both directly and through the great deal of ridicule and bullying which I received; I knew not one person who was truly on my wavelength. ...I suppose it all did teach me something pretty important - that there had to be better ways!
I think it must have been in one of the optional weekly 6th-form periods of extra-curricular talks which sometimes were given by outside speakers that a woman once came and talked about Buddhism. I didn't remember anything much of what she said, and neither did I follow this up directly, but it had sown a seed which marked it as, in an important sense, the most important direct teaching that I received in all my schooling.

• Abrupt cessation of my tormenting night-time inner world. The cessation resulted from my starting to fantasize at night on Dan Dare in the Eagle comic, which caused me at last to get focusing my attention in normal levels of consciousness instead of the level of the night terrors astral realm(s).

• Musical interest fully awoke: a first hearing of Stravinsky's Petrouchka hit me like a bombshell. I had an acute shyness about people knowing of my having any musical leanings - to such an extent that I hid my musical interest from virtually everyone, including family and closest (i.e. least distant) friends till I'd moved from my parents' home in 1967. (I've a pretty good idea of the reason!)

• It was from about 1956 onwards that I began to experience a range of more or less minor health problems which in 2007 I've been able to identify as being aggravated and in some cases caused by low-level mercury poisoning, primarily from my school (Harrow Weald County Grammar School). Most of these health problems have remained with me very long term. This issue would have affected to some extent at least most people at that school, at least during the time I was there. I write in some detail about the matter in My Own Self Realization Path - Updates.

• I went through a phase of keeping (all in my bedroom!) a wide range of animals as 'pets' - lizards, snakes (including boas and pythons) and various more or less small mammals; they were mostly exotic species, but included a breeding colony of tame rats to feed to the snakes.

•  A 21st birthday present of a camera prompted me to start doing nature photography (primarily of insects); this became a decidedly absorbing activity, and replaced my keeping of animals.

• Moved from my parents' home in Harrow Weald, to Pirbright (Surrey), then in 1969 to Guildford, for a research job at Pirbright, where I took part in a research project on biting midges.
• Came out into the open about my intense musical interest - though not much so about the tumult of music composing itself within me - and, as though possessed, I built up a large record collection of mostly 20th Century 'classical' music, much of it little known in this country.

• Driven by a deep suffering, I 'came out' in another way: made my homosexuality* known to all and sundry - not always with exemplary tact!

• Resolved not to meet or relate with anyone at all on the basis of their gender or sexual orientation - a far-reaching decision much more important than the 'coming out'; I no longer classified myself as 'gay' or 'non-gay', having begun to recognise that my true nature (and other people's) transcended such trivial details. For this I was criticized by some for being 'unnatural' and even 'fascistic'.
• Stopped all natural history activity, including photography, to give myself more mental space to develop in other ways. For the same reason, I withdrew from my research job and accepted a period of unemployment. Took up Re-evaluation Counselling, a potentially powerful self-liberation technique. This marked commencement of my ongoing self healing / self realization path (though at that time I didn't think of it as 'healing', nor as 'self realization).

• Started writing highly original and exploratory poetry, much of which had a strong visionary character.

• Started self-publishing collections of my poetry, mostly as A4 duplicated editions, selling copies locally (i.e. in Guildford) and on a very small scale. This continued till 1977.
• Joined the Surrey University Choir. Would you believe this - that simple act was probably the bravest thing I've done in this lifetime! The weight of fear to push through was tremendous, and I was shaking like a demented jelly on the evening of that momentous first rehearsal (just Bach's Christmas Oratorio), feeling as though something unspeakably frightful was going to happen to me! I've kept up regular choral singing ever since, mostly in Exeter University Choral Society. Fortunately the fear gradually dissipated over the months and years, so nowadays I just accept my many mistakes with peaceful good humour and enjoy the whole experience.

• Moved to Exeter to study for a degree at Exeter University.

• Resumed nature photography, this to develop considerably in 1985, covering primarily insects, plants, lichens and fungi, and wild scenery.
• Started laboriously writing a series of small-scale rather rudimentary music compositions - mostly initially intended as duets that I could play with a student friend I'd made in the University Choral Society, though a few were songs for bass solo for me to sing, one of them being my 'party piece', the Flapping Duck Song, with which I have caused occasional hilarity over the years. The first of the compositions, a little flute duet entitled simply Study No.1, was some 19 years later to become the foundation of the haunting and troubled 2nd movement of my 6th Symphony, while the second was in 1995 to grow to become my official Opus 1 - the 1st Symphony.

• First visit to Scottish Highlands, with first experience of solo mountain walking - something that was to be developed and repeated annually in Scotland and sometimes in parts of the Alps.
• Graduated - for whatever good that did me.

• First short stories written.

• Was quietly excluded from the local group of the Re-evaluation Counselling community because the group felt ill at ease with my presence - I was much more strongly motivated for total self-liberation than the others locally and felt increasingly frustrated with their relatively low level of awareness.
• Started doing regular long, usually solo, single-day hikes on Dartmoor and other wild places, normally hitch-hiking out and back - something that was to develop and continue to the present day as quite a major feature of my life.

• Closed down the photography. First novels written.

• Took up the Alexander Technique, an incredibly powerful tool for self-liberation. Quickly and permanently incorporated it into every aspect of my lifestyle.

• Broke out into full-scale symphonic music composition, using a MIDI sequencer program on the computer.

• The greatest and most welcome event of my life! (well, up to that point!) Unexpectedly crossed the threshold of spiritual enlightenment) - suddenly recognising that I'd been on a lifelong spiritual path without even knowing it, and was now on a semblance of the Dzogchen 'path' (generally seen as the highest practice in Buddhism, though in truth it is not a specifically Buddhist practice), with an internal guide rather than external guru and no external rituals.
• Made all my literary works available on disk and on my newly created website.

• Produced CD recordings of all my music compositions, copies of them being made available to others on a very small, non-commercial scale. Started presenting my music compositions on my website
• Made a very tentative start in spiritual healing by joining a small local group of mostly Reiki-oriented healers who accepted complete novices.

• Accelerating inner changes brought about by giving and receiving healing and gaining understanding from other mystics and healers.
• Carson Cooman, a concert pianist, organist and composer, discovered my work (via this website) and started the no doubt lengthy and tortuous process of promoting my work and encouraging my further creative efforts. He motivated me to get appropriate software to start producing scores of my extant works and started encouraging me to produce organ works which he could perform.

• Composed, to a commission from Carson Cooman, a major organ work, The Great Wilderness.

• It has become almost routine this year that on my hiking outings, where I would hitch-hike out to the start and back from the finish of the walk, I discover at least one person who is a healer without knowing it, so that I have the inspiring task of telling the person and advising as to next steps...
• Gained certification as a so-called Reiki 'Master'.
  

  Later note (May 2007) - I now understand my Reiki involvement to have been distinctly problematical, as explained in My Own Self Realization Path.

• 3 music compositions, all with highly unorthodox instrumentation.

• The French publisher Musik Fabrik started publishing my works. The proprietor - the virtuoso saxophonist Paul Wehage - commissioned from me a work for saxophone, and what emerged was The Seen and the Unseen, a major and weighty mystical work for two saxophones and piano, which, Paul assures me, is quite unlike anything previously been written for the saxophone. Later in the year I completed Nordic Wilderness Journey, another major mystical work for two saxophones (this time including a contrabass saxophone) and piano, commissioned by the saxophone and clarinet virtuoso Jay Easton.
• As I was coming up to 60 years old, this summer I decided to get bolder in my hitch-hiking for my weekly hikes, and included in my repertoire of walks certain long and hard coast path routes on the Land's End peninsula, still hitch-hiking to and from the route within a single day (from Exeter).

• My first venture into composing music specifically intended as a background or support to healing work - Ascending.
• In October, started channelling from what I took to be my inner guidance, thus innocently 'dropping myself right in it' - for I had fallen into a trap that had been set up right at the beginning of this life by the astral ('dark') forces, then having massive disruption and confusions from astral ('dark') entities, which caused me a lot of trouble.

• Reduced the length of my hikes, to allow for more enjoyment of my surroundings and human interaction.
• Was valiantly and doggedly continuing with my self healing process in the face of massive interferences and attacks from the abovementioned entities, which took me through periods of severe and near-hellish ordeals associated with my channelling, these in January to March and then October and again in December (in the latter two cases resulting in my hospitalization).
  

  As I've come to understand in late 2007, what the astral forces were trying to achieve with all these and subsequent crises and disruptions of my life was to get me sufficiently ungrounded that they could stage a 'semi-walk-in' upon me, using a specially programmed 'lost' soul for the purpose, in order to convert me into a puppet of theirs - as they have succeeded in doing with certain prominent spiritual teachers (who include a current famous one in India who is noted for his purported miracles). Fortunately, no matter what tricks they tried on me, I remained too grounded for them to take me over in that way, and now I'm close to being out of their reach altogether. I shall shortly put a brief account of this phenomenon in my Self Realization site.

• I experienced further crises caused by the troublesome entities manipulating emotional trauma material freed up during intensive self healing (of emotional traumas through all lifetimes) and making its surfacing over-intense, but these peaks became progressively less frequent and severe after the spring. In late August I finally put an embargo on accepting any communications at all from non-physical sources, to remain in force until the astral beings are finally cleared from my aura. I also became then increasingly disposed to poke fun at the beings, so further disempowering them.
• First experience of life in the Findhorn community - a real eye-opener! For a time I was considering whether to relocate there, but in 2007 I came to the realization that, despite all its wonderful strong points, that community, and its members individually, are to varying degrees being led by the astral ('dark') forces, just as ALL 'spiritual' communities and movements are*.
  

  * For more about this issue, please see Exit Spirituality - Enter Clear-Mindedness.

• In March I took up the exceptionally powerful yet simple self realization method called The Work, which appears to have rendered redundant all my previous emotional healing methods. It brought about spectacular inner changes for me.
• I still had interference and attacks from astral ('dark') entities. which caused continuing channelling problems and brought about crises through their attacks, requiring a brief hospitalization in September and again in October.
• What I took to be my final long hike for this lifetime was on 23rd September, resulting in an arthritic flare-up of my right knee, which subsequently remained somewhat troublesome. Had to limit myself to short local strolls throughout the winter.
• In late December, I got assistance from a 'lightworker' in starting to attempt to clear myself of interfering non-physical entities and other 'external energetic interferences' (EEIs).

• Continued my attempts at clearance of entities and other EEIs, using that "lightworker's" method, and with his direct assistance at times. However, although I made many gains through this process, it became apparent that the entities issue was still very much with me. I have subsequently (September 2007) come to realize that both he and I were being extensively deceived at that time by the astral entities, and few or no entities were actually being removed despite 'visuals' being presented to both of us showing such removal actually happening.
• I took up the EFT to use as well as The Work in my emotional clearance process.
• Very slow improvement of my arthritic knee, allowing short local strolls to lead on to a return of the hiking outings, but naturally I remained limited to relatively short walking routes (5-8 miles - a maximum total of about 10 miles including road walking in the hitch-hikes out and back).
• Following a prompt from the writings of Steve Gamble, in April I came to recognise all channelled scenarios and 'higher' or 'spiritual' realities as being at least in part the work of astral ('dark') entities and thus something to completely avoid. I have also distanced myself from all supposed past life information about myself or indeed anyone else. Not only am I not channelling any more, but I have been removing channelled information from my Self Realization & Clear-Mindedness site, so that it can focus much more effectively on true self realization without troublesome if alluring sidetracks. This is explained more in Better Without Channelling and Exit 'Spirituality' - Enter Clear-Mindedness.
• In May I attended an Energy Awareness Training workshop led by Stephen and Lynda Kane, the Energy Egg people, and had a personal consultation with them following the workshop, and gained tremendous life tools from them. These included a set of powerfully life-enhancing yogic practices, most of them very energetic, the central one being the Returning Life Sequence*, which, when used daily, actually progressively reverses at least most of the ageing process of one's energy system. I also learnt from them a simple means of testing the effects on my energy system of environmental energies, relationships and actions of mine, both current and prospective - this done without channelling (very important!). I experienced immediate great benefits from these life tools, rapidly becoming more powerful against the astral ('dark') entities' attempts still to unseat me and disrupt my life and turn me away from true self realization methods - and now I had means to progressively improve my living environment and any and every detail of my daily life to make it more harmonious with and supportive to my ultimate best interests - 'living with intent' in the best sense imaginable.
  

  * On their RealHealth-Online website you can buy a DVD from which you can learn the Returning Life Sequence for yourself (go to their products page for this, for their site navigation is really naff), and also purchase their excellent e-book Hidden Secrets of Real Health, from which I'm gaining many additional important life enhancing morsels of information - all completely practical and devoid of esoteric theory or belief in any 'spiritual [or higher] reality'. It is quite an energy awareness training in itself, and for many it would be the natural entry point into this sort of energy awareness development, leading on into going on to one of the Energy Awareness Training workshops and taking up the Returning Life Sequence.
  

  Regarding the ageing reversal of one's energy system brought about by the Returning Life Sequence, no claim is made that all physical ageing would be reversed, but clearly an ageing reversal of one's energy system means a steady increase in vitality and emotional wellbeing, and a greater physical 2007health than one would have otherwise for one's own physical age.

• Since the abovementioned workshop the recovery of my right knee has accelerated, allowing increasingly long and hard hikes. On 11th August, just two days before my reaching the age of 65 and starting to receive the State pension, I walked the strenuous 21-mile coast path route from Exmouth to Beer (actually with a further 2 miles of road walking as part of the outward hitch-hike). Those practices mentioned above do seem to be working, and that knee is no longer a limitation for me.
• Also as a result of that workshop and consultation and the wonderful self testing methods that Stephen and Lynda taught for determining what energy influences and choices in one's life (both current and prospective) are strengthening or weakening for one, I bought a new and relatively high grade digital camera and started nature photography on my hikes once more, setting up a new website - Clear Mind Photos - for selling the pick of the photos that I take.
• Subsequently I've been experiencing a pronounced and accelerating increase in a stable and unwavering deep happiness and 'inner smile', as the astral interferences are progressively cleared out by the practices which I learnt from Stephen and Lynda Kane, and my enhancements and additions to them. I describe some of these practices in Some Potent Self Realization / Healing Practices.

• Early in the year I developed an energy device called the Clarity-Sphere™ to particularly powerfully and comprehensively facilitate self healing, self realization and clearance from the user of all entities and their interferences. This further greatly speeded up the process of my own self realization and clearance of entity interferences.