| 1942 |
- Born in
Harrow Weald, Middlesex, during the 2nd
World War.
|
| 1945
|
- My night hells
(aka night
terrors) became fully developed. Up to the age of 6, I had an intensely
tormenting night-time inner world, in which I seemed to be a wolf-like
animal.
In that tormented inner world I was pursued by certain types of
normally inanimate object, each of which in its menacing animate form
had a special name. Thus violin cases narrow end up were sproses,
and the same with broad end up were sprouses;
room lights that came down from the ceiling, hissing at me (the source
of intense terror) were doots,
and so on. These terrors overlay my true night terrors (better
described as night hells, because actually they include much more than
just terror) - a maelstrom of
ultra-Satanistic-type 'horror movies' of unremitting power and
intensity.
In
between my fleeing the pursuing terrors, I was desperately seeking
company and closeness, which could never be found. An explanation for
the whole hellish complex of experiences can be found on my page Night
Hells (Night Terrors) and Hearing Voices.
|
| 1947 |
- Natural
history interest commenced (started with keeping
caterpillars).
- Formal schooling started.
|
| |
The
whole of my
formal schooling was something of an abomination and had little to do
with the real needs of individual people. It brought me pretty well
unremitting unhappiness, both directly and through the great deal of
ridicule and bullying that I received; I knew not one person who was
truly on my wavelength. ...I suppose it all did teach me something
pretty important - that there had to be better ways!
I think
it must have been in one of the optional weekly 6th-form periods of
extra-curricular talks that sometimes were given by outside speakers
that a woman once came and talked about Buddhism. I didn't remember
anything much of what she said, and neither did I follow this up
directly, but it had sown a seed which marked it as, in an important
sense, the most important direct teaching that I received in all my
schooling.
|
| 1948 |
- Abrupt
cessation of my night hells. The
cessation resulted from my starting to fantasize at night on Dan Dare
in the Eagle comic, which brought about sufficient grounding of my
awareness for my night hells no longer to be able to operate.
|
| 1955 |
- Musical
interest fully awoke: a first hearing of Stravinsky's Petrouchka
hit me like a bombshell. I had an acute
shyness about people knowing of my having any musical leanings - to
such an extent that I hid my musical interest from virtually everyone,
including family and closest (i.e. least distant) friends till I'd
moved from my parents' home in 1967. (I've a pretty good
idea of the reason!)
|
| 1956
onwards |
- It was from
about 1956 onwards that I began to
experience a
range of more or less minor health problems that in 2007 I was
able to identify as being aggravated and in some cases caused by
low-level mercury poisoning,
primarily from my school
(Harrow Weald
County Grammar School). Most of these health problems have remained
with me
very long term.
|
| 1957
-1964 |
- I
went through a phase of keeping (all in my bedroom!) a wide
range of animals as 'pets' - lizards, snakes (including boas and
pythons) and various more or less small mammals; they were mostly
exotic species, but included a breeding colony of tame rats to feed to
the snakes.
|
| 1963 |
- A 21st
birthday present of a camera prompted me to
start doing nature photography (primarily of insects); this became a
decidedly absorbing activity, and replaced my keeping of animals.
|
| 1967 |
- Moved from my
parents' home in Harrow Weald, to Pirbright
(Surrey), then in 1969 to Guildford, for a research job at Pirbright,
where I took part in a research project on biting midges.
- Came
out into the open about my intense musical
interest - though not much so about the tumult of music composing
itself within me - and, as though possessed, I built up a large record
collection of mostly 20th Century 'classical' music, much of it little
known in this country.
|
| 1971 |
- Driven by a
deep
suffering, I 'came out' in another way: made
my homosexuality*
known to all and sundry - not always with exemplary tact!
* Please see
note about homosexuality just below this table.
|
| 1972 |
- Resolved not to meet
or relate with anyone at all on the
basis of their gender or sexual orientation - a far-reaching decision
much more important than the 'coming out'; I no longer classified
myself as 'gay' or 'non-gay', having begun to recognise that my true
nature (and other people's) transcended such trivial details. For this
I was criticized by some for being 'unnatural' and even 'fascistic'.
- Stopped all natural history activity, including
photography, to give myself more mental space to develop in other ways.
For the same reason, I withdrew from my research job and accepted a
period of unemployment. Took up Re-evaluation
Counselling,
a potentially powerful self-liberation technique based on a structured
approach to facilitating emotional release. This marked
commencement of my ongoing active self
healing / self actualization process (though at that time I didn't
think
of it as 'healing', nor as 'self actualization', nor as 'self
realization'). It did, however, prove
to be a very slow and inefficient method, with a number of serious
drawbacks and pitfalls, as I recount in the latter link reference.
(Would
that I had had Self-Power
Walking and Grounding Point then!)
|
| 1973 |
- Started
writing
highly original and exploratory poetry,
much of which
had a strong visionary character.
|
| 1974 |
- Started
self-publishing collections of my poetry, mostly as
A4 duplicated editions, selling copies locally (i.e. in Guildford) and
on a very small scale. This continued till 1977.
- Joined
the
Surrey University Choir. Would you
believe this - that simple act was probably the
bravest thing I've done in this lifetime! The weight of fear to push
through was tremendous, and I was shaking like a demented jelly on the
evening of that momentous first rehearsal (just Bach's Christmas
Oratorio), feeling as though something unspeakably frightful
was going to happen to me! I've kept up regular choral singing ever
since, mostly in Exeter University Choral Society. Fortunately the fear
gradually dissipated over the months and years, so nowadays I just
accept my many mistakes with peaceful good humour and enjoy the whole
experience.
|
| 1976 |
- Moved to
Exeter to
study for a degree at Exeter University.
|
| 1978 |
- Resumed
nature
photography, this to develop considerably in
1985, covering primarily insects, plants, lichens and fungi, and wild
scenery.
- Started laboriously writing a series
of
small-scale rather rudimentary music compositions - mostly initially
intended as duets that I could play with a student friend I'd made in
the University Choral Society, though a few were songs for bass solo
for me to sing, one of them being my 'party piece', the Flapping
Duck Song, with which I have caused occasional hilarity over
the years. The first of the compositions, a little flute duet entitled
simply Study No.1, was some 19 years later to
become the foundation of the haunting and troubled 2nd movement of my
6th Symphony, while the second was in 1995 to grow to become my
official Opus 1 - the 1st Symphony.
|
| 1979 |
- First visit
to
Scottish Highlands, with first experience of
solo mountain walking - something that was to be developed and repeated
annually in Scotland and sometimes in parts of the Alps.
- Graduated
- for whatever good that did me.
|
| 1980 |
|
| 1981 |
- Was quietly
excluded
from the local group of the
Re-evaluation Counselling community because the group felt ill at ease
with my presence - I was much more strongly motivated for total
self-liberation than the others locally and felt increasingly
frustrated with their relatively low level of awareness.
- Started
doing regular long, usually solo,
single-day hikes on Dartmoor and other wild places, normally
hitch-hiking out and back - something that was to develop and continue
to the present day as quite a major feature of my life.
|
| 1990 |
- Closed down
the
photography. First novels
written.
|
| 1992 |
- Took up the Alexander
Technique, an incredibly powerful tool for self-liberation.
Quickly and permanently incorporated it into every aspect of my
lifestyle.
|
| 1995 |
- Broke out
into
full-scale symphonic
music composition, using a MIDI sequencer program on the
computer.
|
| 1997 |
- The greatest and
most
welcome event of my life! (well,
up to that point!) Unexpectedly crossed the threshold of enlightenment
(so-called 'spiritual' enlightenment', though it actually has nothing
to do with 'spirituality')
- suddenly concluding that I'd been on a lifelong spiritual
path*
without even knowing it, and was now on a semblance of the Dzogchen
'path' (generally seen as the highest practice in Buddhism, though in
truth its essence is not a specifically Buddhist practice), with an internal
'guide' rather than external guru and no external rituals.
* Actually this
was a distortion of the
actual
situation, which was to lead me into very serious problems from late
2003 onwards, for what I'd really been on was a self actualization
or self realization path, but from this point in 1997 I allowed
myself to get diverted into
a so-called spiritual path, which is something actually very different
and highly problematical, as I explain in Exit
'Spirituality' - Enter Clear-Mindedness.
- Made
all my literary works available on disk and on
my
newly
created website.
|
| 1998 |
- Produced CD
recordings of all my music compositions, copies
of them being made available to others on a very small, non-commercial
scale. Started presenting my music compositions on my website
- Made
a very tentative start in spiritual healing
by joining a small local group of mostly Reiki-oriented healers who
accepted complete novices.
Yes, and that marked a quite major
step towards my near-nemesis at the 'hands' of the dark
force from late 2003
onwards. I explain about the serious problems relating to ALL the healing
traditions, including Reiki, in Am I
a Healer?, where I also relate a hazardous, albeit ultimately
educational, situation that arose for me from the above-mentioned healers'
group.
|
| 1999 |
- Accelerating
inner changes brought
about by giving and receiving healing and gaining understanding from
other mystics and healers.
Yes, at that time I thought I was
a mystic of sorts, and that was a major part of my developing problem. The
'understandings' that I was picking up then were leading me way off-course,
away from genuine self actualization
and towards the forthcoming
major assault
from the dark force, to which I was unwittingly progressively opening myself.
- Carson
Cooman, a concert pianist, organist and composer, discovered
my work (via this website) and started the no doubt lengthy and
tortuous process of promoting my work and encouraging my further
creative efforts. He motivated me to get appropriate software to start
producing scores of my extant works and started encouraging me to
produce organ works which he could perform.
|
| 2000 |
|
| 2001 |
- It became
almost
routine this year that on my hiking
outings, where I would hitch-hike out to the start and back from the
finish of the walk, I discover at least one person who is a healer
without knowing it, so that I had the inspiring task of telling the
person and advising as to next steps...
Well, yes, I was doing the very
best I knew how at that time, but unfortunately I was pointing all those people
in a very problematical direction, as became very clear from what soon happened
to me. Since my getting a proper understanding - i.e. from mid-2007 onwards - I
dropped putting emphasis on the 'healer' aspect when talking with such people,
and instead increasingly pointed to their genuine self actualization
potential
and ability instead, indeed warning about the dark force involvement in all the
healing traditions.
- Gained
certification
as a so-called Reiki 'Master'.
I
now
understand my Reiki involvement to have been distinctly problematical,
as explained in My Own Self
Actualization 'Path'. The calling of anyone a
Reiki Master
- especially after just three workshops and maybe a bit of practice,
without regard even to one's suitability to teach healing or Reiki at
all - is laughable, apart from the great harm that has come to many
people as a result of this. As I now well understand, my certification
as a 'Reiki Master' marked a further step in my unwitting increasing
involvement with and openness to the dark
force, which
latter was shortly to strenuously seek to take me over, either to make
me one of its puppet teachers or to destroy me.
- Produced three music compositions, all
with highly unorthodox instrumentation.
|
| 2002 |
- The French
publisher Musik
Fabrik started publishing my works. The proprietor - the
virtuoso saxophonist Paul Wehage - commissioned from me a work for
saxophone, and what emerged was The
Seen and the Unseen, a major and weighty visionary
work for two saxophones and piano, which, Paul assures me, is quite
unlike anything previously been written for the saxophone. Later in the
year I completed Nordic
Wilderness Journey, another major visionary work
for two saxophones (this time including a contrabass saxophone) and
piano, commissioned by the saxophone and clarinet virtuoso Jay Easton.
- As I was coming up to 60 years old, this summer I
decided
to
get bolder in my hitch-hiking for my weekly hikes, and included in my
repertoire of walks certain long and hard coast path routes on the
Land's End peninsula and other far-removed parts of Cornwall, still
hitch-hiking to and from the route within a
single day (from Exeter).
|
| 2003 |
- My first
venture into composing music specifically
intended as a background or support to healing work - Ascending.
- In October, I started channelling
from what I took to
be my
inner
guidance, thus innocently 'dropping myself right in it' - for I had
fallen into a trap that had been set up for me by the dark force,
then having massive
disruption and
confusions
from it,
which caused me a lot of trouble.
|
| 2004 |
- Reduced
the length of my hikes, supposedly to allow for more
enjoyment of my surroundings and human interaction - though in
retrospect I understand that my 'guidance' to make that change was from
the dark force in order to help weaken me to its attacks.
- Was
valiantly and doggedly continuing with my attempted self
healing
process in the face of massive interferences and attacks from
the dark force, which took me through periods of severe and
near-hellish
ordeals associated with my channelling, these in January to April and
then October and again in December (in the latter two cases resulting
in my hospitalization).
As I came to understand
much
more recently, the dark force appeared to be running a multi-prong
campaign to try to disable me in some way as a potential threat to it
and its noxious agenda - as I explain in The
Dark Force ('Astral Entities') - My Own Tough Experiences.
There were clear signs of attempts by various means (a) to take me over
and make me into a dark force puppet like the vast majority of
prominent 'spiritual teachers' and healers / 'lightworkers', or (b) to
wreck me, making me an intractable 'psychiatric case', or (c) to
destroy me completely - i.e. to bring about my very premature death.
I describe my self healing process then as 'attempted', because
really the methods I was using at that time, although widely recognised as
supposedly really good, were actually relatively ineffective for major issues.
Indeed, as I subsequently came to recognise, the dark force, posing as my inner
'guidance', had been systematically motivating me to stick with inefficient,
time-consuming and often wearying methods and to keep clear of any efficient,
'fast-track' methods that I came to hear about.
|
| 2005 |
- I experienced
further
crises caused by the dark force's severe attacks on me, but
these
became progressively less
frequent and severe after the (at times) quite desperate-feeling winter and
spring. In late August I finally put an
embargo on accepting any communications at all from non-physical
sources, to remain in force until
the
'astral beings' are finally cleared
from my energy system* (though actually it wasn't that
long
before I ill-advisedly resumed some degree of acceptance of 'guidance',
supposedly from my own higher consciousness, which of course was really
'more of the same', i.e. the dark force seeking to lead me astray in
all sorts of ways).
* This
was actually
a confused and distorted understanding, which had arisen from
misinformation that the dark force was giving me while it was posing as
'higher guidance'. As I now understand, the dark force is not true
beings at all, and such presences cannot be cleared out in the way that
I thought at that time (and healers / 'lightworkers'
almost universally
- but mistakenly - believe to be possible).
More about the
true
nature of the dark force in The
True Nature of 'The Dark Force' and its Interference and Attacks.
- Two short stays in the Findhorn
community - a real eye-opener! For a time I was considering whether to
relocate there, but in 2007 I came to the realization that, despite all
its wonderful strong points, that community, and its members
individually, are to varying degrees being led by the dark
force, just as ALL
'spiritual' communities
and movements are*. Therefore it would not be healthy for me to
associate myself with that or indeed any similar community in any way, let
alone actually stay there again.
* For
more
about this issue,
please see Exit
'Spirituality' - Enter Clear-Mindedness.
|
| 2006 |
- In
March I took up the exceptionally
powerful yet simple inquiry method for clearing emotional issues called The
Work, which appeared to have rendered redundant
all
my previous emotional healing methods. It brought about what seemed at
the time to be spectacular
inner changes for me.
At least the
changes seemed
spectacular compared with the methods I'd
been using before, but that was nothing at all compared with the much
more 'spectacular' results that my more recent methodology (post
mid-May
2007, and especially from 2008 with my beginnings of developing the
Clarity-Sphere) has been
bringing me.
- I still had interference
and attacks
from the dark force,
which
caused continuing channelling problems and brought about crises through
their attacks, requiring a brief hospitalization
in September and again in October. See One
Right
Weirdo Hike - What Do You Make of This?, which
relates to what
led up to that September hospitalization.
- What I took to
be my final
long hike for this
lifetime
was on 23rd
September, leading on to an arthritic flare-up of my right knee, which
subsequently
remained somewhat troublesome. I had to limit myself to
occasional short local strolls throughout the winter.
Actually it turned out that the
arthritis was NOT due to any 'overdoing' of my hiking. All my indications are
that that specific outbreak of the affliction had been caused by a serious
weakening of particular parts of my 'energy system'
that had been caused by a massive
potentially lethal psychic attack that had been launched on me during the
course of my 'right weirdo hike' (see the link above). Fortunately this was to
turn out to be fully healable by the very methods that I was having to take up
anyway to get myself progressively clear of the dark force's ongoing
interference and attacks.
- In
late
December, I got 'assistance'
from DZ, a 'lightworker',
in
starting to attempt to clear myself of interfering
non-physical
'entities' and other 'external energetic interferences' (EEIs), as he
called them - i.e. the dark force interferences.
|
| 2007 |
- Continued
my attempts at
clearance of 'entities' and
other interferences,
using that "lightworker's" method, and with his direct 'assistance' at
times.
However, although I made many gains through this process, it became
apparent that the 'entities' (i.e. dark force interference and attacks)
issue was still very much with me. I subsequently came to realize that both he
and I were
being extensively deceived at that time by the dark force, and
no
entities of note were actually being removed despite 'visuals' being
presented
to both of us showing such removal actually happening. Indeed, I also
subsequently
established that that particular 'lightworker' had, presumably
unawarely, put some harmful energy configurations in my own
non-physical aspects. More about all this in My Own Self
Actualization 'Path' - Part 2.
- I
took up the EFT
to use as
well as The
Work in my emotional clearance process.
- Very
slow
improvement of my arthritic knee, allowing
short
local strolls to lead on to a return of the hiking outings, but
naturally I remained limited to relatively short walking
routes
(5-8
miles - a maximum total of about 10 miles including road walking in the
hitch-hikes out and back).
- Following a prompt
from the
writings of
Steve
Gamble, in April I came to recognise all channelled
scenarios
and 'higher' or 'spiritual' realities as being at least in part the
work of the dark force and thus something to completely
avoid. I also distanced myself from all supposed past life information
about
myself or indeed anyone else. Not only was I not channelling any more,
but I got progressively removing channelled
information from my Self
Realization
& Clear-Mindedness site, so that it could
focus
much more
effectively
on true self realization without troublesome if alluring sidetracks.
This is explained more in Better
Without Channelling and Exit
'Spirituality' - Enter Clear-Mindedness.
- In May I
attended a particular workshop from which I gained new life improvement methods
that, in my hands, at once proved to be the basis of a full and relatively
comprehensive self
actualization methodology that I then started developing. These included
a
set of powerfully life-enhancing yogic practices, most of them very
energetic, the central one being the Returning
Life Sequence*, which, when used
daily, is claimed to actually
progressively reverse at least most of what is generally taken to be
the ageing process of one's
energy system. Whether or not that actually categorical claim is really 100%
accurate, I have definitely had consistent ongoing very positive change that
appears to be associated with my using it.
I also gained from that workshop a procedure called energy
testing, a simple means of testing the
effects on me of environmental 'energies', relationships
and actions of mine, both current and prospective (this done without
channelling - very
important!), which I was to extend to make it much more flexible and
versatile when used in the right hands.
I experienced immediate great benefits from
these life
tools, rapidly becoming more powerful against the dark force's
attempts still to unseat me and disrupt my life and turn me away from
true
self actualization methods - and now I had means to progressively improve
my
living environment and every detail of my daily life to make it
more harmonious with and supportive to my ultimate best interests -
'living with
intent' in the best sense imaginable.
* More about
this in Some
Potent Self Actualization /
Healing Practices.
- Since I took up the abovementioned practices and was thus at last
embarking on a really effective self actualization process the recovery of my
right
knee accelerated, allowing increasingly long and hard
hikes. On 11th August, just two days before my reaching the age of 65
and starting to receive the State pension, I walked the strenuous
21-mile coast path route from Exmouth to Beer (actually with a further
2 miles of road walking as part of the outward hitch-hike). Those
practices mentioned above did seem to be working, and that knee was
rapidly becoming no
longer a limitation for me.
- Also as a result of the abovementioned practices plus the energy
testing, I surprised myself by buying a new and relatively high grade digital
camera, and started
nature
photography on my hikes once more, setting up a new website - Broad Horizon Photos
- for selling the pick of the photos that I take.
- Subsequently
I was experiencing a pronounced and
accelerating increase in a stable and unwavering deep happiness and
'inner smile', as the dark force interferences were
progressively diminished by the recently acquired self actualization*
practices.
* It is best that I explain here
that, as being presented at
the workshop the practices were simply 'life improvement' methods, but because
my intent
was deeper and broader based, in my hands the methods were effectively proper self actualization
ones.
|
| 2008 and 2009 |
- Further major positive change in my life and overall life
experience, despite and indeed partly because of what turned out in the short
term to be
an apparent red herring! I'm referring to my ambitious-sounding Clarity-Sphere
project, which involved using spheres of suitable stone types
supposedly containing special programming that was intended to facilitate one's
healing and self realization process very powerfully indeed. The only
catch turned out eventually to be that there had been a flaw in my
energy testing that didn't come to light till late December 2009, which
had enabled a whole 'ideal' fantasy to be progressively built up about
use of these stone spheres on the basis of that programming, which
latter actually was fictitious and had never happened! As soon as I eventually
found that the
spheres really had no programming, I had no alternative to publicly drop the
Clarity-Sphere project and any project that depended on the actually
imaginary Clarity-Sphere programming.
However, it was very evident that the Clarity-Sphere
project did benefit me in many ways, helping my healing / self
actualization process and the progressive reduction of dark force
interferences and attacks. This was because I put much store in using
various healing and clearance methods with my working 'Clarity-Sphere',
and those methods were all valid and
effective in their own right as healing and self actualization methods*,
and the aventurine sphere that I was using worked excellently for the
purpose as
'surrogate' and also resonator and focus of one's healing and positive
intents. It is just that there was no actual
programming that would have still further enhanced those methods and
added many additional major benefits.
* I don't mean this to
sound
like a sort of lame apology for what I was doing, for the results of
the methods were very much at the top end of what one would get from
healing methods generally, AND went beyond them in being free from
distortions from troublesome external influences, through working
consistently from my own deepest aspects rather than the usual sort of
things like 'calling in the Light' or working with supposed guides or
angels, which actually all cause major problems and were part of what
had dropped me into such big trouble in 2003. Various other people who
were using 'Clarity-Spheres' reported the same sorts of beneficial
effects that I appeared to be getting from mine.
Indeed, at the beginning of 2010 I was to produce a new
web page to replace the Clarity-Sphere one, entitled Stone
Spheres as Healing and Self Actualization Aids,
which shows how you can use polished spheres of suitable stone type as
very effective healing aids.
In any case, really the Clarity-Sphere project had not at all
been discarded, but it had simply been 'put on the back burner' to await my
future experimentations with polished stone spheres to see if there were in
fact some way that I could at least eventually start programming them with some
sort of Clarity-Sphere functionality.
- One major feature of 2009 was my healing of a 3rd Degree
tear ('rupture') of my right quadriceps muscle (the big one on the
front of the thigh) to the extent that several months later I was
walking hikes of full length and strenuousness again, with no pain or
noticeable sense of weakness in that leg - though I was to remain with slightly
reduced combined leg power so that the hardest walks took a little longer.
|
| 2010 |
So, I
started 2010 with a lot of the same methods as in 2009, but a more
rigorous approach to inner inquiry and energy testing, and no further
distracting
illusions about possibilities that are effectively nonexistent, and
indeed having greater assistance through expanded use of the Energy Egg family
of 'energy
protection' / healing devices, and indeed of a very nice polished
marble sphere.
This approach will keep things more down to earth
and help avoid any further time (and money!) wasting, and will
undoubtedly further speed my clearance of the remaining interferences
from troublesome influences.
- Life rapidly becoming still more 'free' and joyful in nature, with
the dark force shenanigans very much sidelined - and I have very quick and
simple procedures to use on the rare occasions when I do notice a hint of an
attack. Amazing that people read about all this on my Self Realization site and
then still seek to tell me and others that I'm writing a lot of rubbish and I
ought to be using their own favourite belief system, with all the ineffective
and dark force connecting methods based on it.
- In late 2010 I started on a new tack with experimental attempts to
progressively build up some sort of beneficial programming in my working marble
sphere, having chosen a larger and thus potentially more powerful one to use
for the purpose. This did appear to be starting to 'get somewhere'.
|
2011
|
- My prototype new-concept Clarity-Sphere
(C-S) came increasingly into focus during the first months of this year, and it
was not long before I was able to discontinue completely my use of the Energy
Egg 'family' of devices, provisionally declaring them redundant, and use my C-S
setup as my sole 'physical' aid, so simplifying things considerably. I was also
able to reduce the number of practices that I was using each day to a more
workable minimum and so live my life in a somewhat better balanced manner.
Yes, dark force interference and attacks still were coming my way, BUT it was
at a still lower level than last year, with noticeable events still
progressively more infrequent. I was able to nip any attempt of an attack in
the bud with very simple and quick procedures.
|