| 1942 |
- Born in
Harrow Weald, Middlesex, during the 2nd
World War.
|
| 1945
|
- My own
inner hell (night
terrors) became fully developed. Up to the age of 6 I had an intensely
tormenting night-time inner world, in which I was a wolf-like animal.
In that tormented inner world I was pursued by certain types of
normally inanimate object, each of which in its menacing animate form
had a special name. Thus violin cases narrow end up were sproses,
and the same with broad end up were sprouses;
room lights that came down from the ceiling, hissing at me (the source
of intense terror) were doots,
and so on. These terrors overlay my true night terrors - a maelstrom of
ultra-Satanistic-type 'horror movies' of unremitting power and
intensity.
In
between my fleeing the pursuing terrors, I was desperately seeking
company and closeness, which could never be found. An explanation for
the whole hellish complex of experiences can be found on my page Night
Terrors and Hearing Voices.
|
| 1947 |
- Natural
history interest commenced (started with keeping
caterpillars).
- Formal schooling started.
|
| |
The
whole of my
formal schooling was something of an abomination and had little to do
with the real needs of individual beings. It brought me pretty well
unremitting unhappiness, both directly and through the great deal of
ridicule and bullying which I received; I knew not one person who was
truly on my wavelength. ...I suppose it all did teach me something
pretty important - that there had to be better ways!
I think
it must have been in one of the optional weekly 6th-form periods of
extra-curricular talks which sometimes were given by outside speakers
that a woman once came and talked about Buddhism. I didn't remember
anything much of what she said, and neither did I follow this up
directly, but it had sown a seed which marked it as, in an important
sense, the most important direct teaching that I received in all my
schooling.
|
| 1948 |
- Abrupt
cessation of my tormenting night-time inner world. The
cessation resulted from my starting to fantasize at night on Dan Dare
in the Eagle comic, which caused me at last to get focusing my
attention in normal levels of consciousness instead of the level of the
night
terrors astral realm(s).
|
| 1955 |
- Musical
interest fully awoke: a first hearing of Stravinsky's Petrouchka
hit me like a bombshell. I had an acute
shyness about people knowing of my having any musical leanings - to
such an extent that I hid my musical interest from virtually everyone,
including family and closest (i.e. least distant) friends till I'd
moved from my parents' home in 1967. (I've a pretty good
idea of the reason!)
|
| 1956 onwards |
- It was from about 1956 onwards that I began to
experience a
range of more or less minor health problems which in 2007 I've been
able to identify as being aggravated and in some cases caused by
low-level mercury poisoning,
primarily from my school
(Harrow Weald
County Grammar School). Most of these health problems have remained
with me
very long term. This issue would have affected to some extent at least
most people at that school, at least during the time I was there. I
write in some detail about the matter in My
Own Self Realization Path - Updates.
|
| 1957
-1964 |
- I
went through a phase of keeping (all in my bedroom!) a wide
range of animals as 'pets' - lizards, snakes (including boas and
pythons) and various more or less small mammals; they were mostly
exotic species, but included a breeding colony of tame rats to feed to
the snakes.
|
| 1963 |
- A 21st
birthday present of a camera prompted me to
start doing nature photography (primarily of insects); this became a
decidedly absorbing activity, and replaced my keeping of animals.
|
| 1967 |
- Moved from my
parents' home in Harrow Weald, to Pirbright
(Surrey), then in 1969 to Guildford, for a research job at Pirbright,
where I took part in a research project on biting midges.
- Came out into the open about my intense musical
interest - though not much so about the tumult of music composing
itself within me - and, as though possessed, I built up a large record
collection of mostly 20th Century 'classical' music, much of it little
known in this country.
|
| 1971 |
- Driven by a deep
suffering, I 'came out' in another way: made
my homosexuality*
known to all and sundry - not always with exemplary tact!
|
| 1972 |
- Resolved not to meet
or relate with anyone at all on the
basis of their gender or sexual orientation - a far-reaching decision
much more important than the 'coming out'; I no longer classified
myself as 'gay' or 'non-gay', having begun to recognise that my true
nature (and other people's) transcended such trivial details. For this
I was criticized by some for being 'unnatural' and even 'fascistic'.
- Stopped all natural history activity, including
photography, to give myself more mental space to develop in other ways.
For the same reason, I withdrew from my research job and accepted a
period of unemployment. Took up Re-evaluation Counselling,
a potentially powerful self-liberation technique. This marked
commencement of my ongoing self
healing / self realization path (though at that time I didn't think
of it as 'healing', nor as 'self realization).
|
| 1973 |
- Started writing
highly original and exploratory poetry,
much of which
had a strong visionary character.
|
| 1974 |
- Started
self-publishing collections of my poetry, mostly as
A4 duplicated editions, selling copies locally (i.e. in Guildford) and
on a very small scale. This continued till 1977.
- Joined the Surrey University Choir. Would you
believe this - that simple act was probably the
bravest thing I've done in this lifetime! The weight of fear to push
through was tremendous, and I was shaking like a demented jelly on the
evening of that momentous first rehearsal (just Bach's Christmas
Oratorio), feeling as though something unspeakably frightful
was going to happen to me! I've kept up regular choral singing ever
since, mostly in Exeter University Choral Society. Fortunately the fear
gradually dissipated over the months and years, so nowadays I just
accept my many mistakes with peaceful good humour and enjoy the whole
experience.
|
| 1976 |
- Moved to Exeter to
study for a degree at Exeter University.
|
| 1978 |
- Resumed nature
photography, this to develop considerably in
1985, covering primarily insects, plants, lichens and fungi, and wild
scenery.
- Started laboriously writing a series of
small-scale rather rudimentary music compositions - mostly initially
intended as duets that I could play with a student friend I'd made in
the University Choral Society, though a few were songs for bass solo
for me to sing, one of them being my 'party piece', the Flapping
Duck Song, with which I have caused occasional hilarity over
the years. The first of the compositions, a little flute duet entitled
simply Study No.1, was some 19 years later to
become the foundation of the haunting and troubled 2nd movement of my
6th Symphony, while the second was in 1995 to grow to become my
official Opus 1 - the 1st Symphony.
|
| 1979 |
- First visit to
Scottish Highlands, with first experience of
solo mountain walking - something that was to be developed and repeated
annually in Scotland and sometimes in parts of the Alps.
- Graduated - for whatever good that did me.
|
| 1980 |
|
| 1981 |
- Was quietly excluded
from the local group of the
Re-evaluation Counselling community because the group felt ill at ease
with my presence - I was much more strongly motivated for total
self-liberation than the others locally and felt increasingly
frustrated with their relatively low level of awareness.
- Started doing regular long, usually solo,
single-day hikes on Dartmoor and other wild places, normally
hitch-hiking out and back - something that was to develop and continue
to the present day as quite a major feature of my life.
|
| 1990 |
- Closed down the
photography. First novels
written.
|
| 1992 |
- Took up the Alexander
Technique, an incredibly powerful tool for self-liberation.
Quickly and permanently incorporated it into every aspect of my
lifestyle.
|
| 1995 |
- Broke out into
full-scale symphonic
music composition, using a MIDI sequencer program on the
computer.
|
| 1997 |
- The greatest and most
welcome event of my life! (well,
up to that point!) Unexpectedly crossed the threshold of spiritual
enlightenment)
- suddenly recognising that I'd been on a lifelong spiritual path
without even knowing it, and was now on a semblance of the Dzogchen
'path' (generally seen as the highest practice in Buddhism, though in
truth it is not a specifically Buddhist practice), with an internal
guide rather than external guru and no external rituals.
- Made all my literary works available on disk and on
my
newly
created website.
|
| 1998 |
- Produced CD
recordings of all my music compositions, copies
of them being made available to others on a very small, non-commercial
scale. Started presenting my music compositions on my website
- Made a very tentative start in spiritual healing
by joining a small local group of mostly Reiki-oriented healers who
accepted complete novices.
|
| 1999 |
- Accelerating inner changes brought
about by giving and receiving healing and gaining understanding from
other mystics and healers.
- Carson
Cooman, a concert pianist, organist and composer, discovered
my work (via this website) and started the no doubt lengthy and
tortuous process of promoting my work and encouraging my further
creative efforts. He motivated me to get appropriate software to start
producing scores of my extant works and started encouraging me to
produce organ works which he could perform.
|
| 2000 |
|
| 2001 |
- It has become almost
routine this year that on my hiking
outings, where I would hitch-hike out to the start and back from the
finish of the walk, I discover at least one person who is a healer
without knowing it, so that I have the inspiring task of telling the
person and advising as to next steps...
- Gained certification
as a so-called Reiki 'Master'.
- 3 music compositions, all
with highly unorthodox instrumentation.
|
| 2002 |
- The French publisher Musik
Fabrik started publishing my works. The proprietor - the
virtuoso saxophonist Paul Wehage - commissioned from me a work for
saxophone, and what emerged was The
Seen and the Unseen, a major and weighty mystical
work for two saxophones and piano, which, Paul assures me, is quite
unlike anything previously been written for the saxophone. Later in the
year I completed Nordic
Wilderness Journey, another major mystical work
for two saxophones (this time including a contrabass saxophone) and
piano, commissioned by the saxophone and clarinet virtuoso Jay Easton.
- As I was coming up to 60 years old, this summer I
decided
to
get bolder in my hitch-hiking for my weekly hikes, and included in my
repertoire of walks certain long and hard coast path routes on the
Land's End peninsula, still hitch-hiking to and from the route within a
single day (from Exeter).
|
| 2003
|
- My first
venture into composing music specifically
intended as a background or support to healing work - Ascending.
- In October, started channelling from what I took to
be my
inner
guidance, thus innocently 'dropping myself right in it' - for I had
fallen into a trap that had been set up right at the beginning of this
life by the astral ('dark') forces, then having massive disruption and
confusions
from astral
('dark')
entities,
which caused me a lot of trouble.
|
| 2004
|
- Reduced
the length of my hikes, to allow for more
enjoyment of my surroundings and human interaction.
- Was valiantly and doggedly continuing with my self
healing
process in the face of massive interferences and attacks from the
abovementioned entities, which took me through periods of severe and
near-hellish
ordeals associated with my channelling, these in January to March and
then October and again in December (in the latter two cases resulting
in my hospitalization).
|
| 2005
|
- I experienced further
crises caused by the troublesome entities
manipulating emotional trauma material freed up during intensive self
healing (of emotional traumas through all lifetimes) and making its
surfacing over-intense, but these peaks became progressively less
frequent and severe after the spring. In late August I finally put an
embargo on accepting any communications at all from non-physical
sources, to remain in force until the astral beings are finally cleared
from my aura. I also became then increasingly disposed to poke fun at
the beings, so further disempowering them.
- First experience of life in the Findhorn
community - a real eye-opener! For a time I was considering whether to
relocate there, but in 2007 I came to the realization that, despite all
its wonderful strong points, that community, and its members
individually, are to varying degrees being led by the astral ('dark')
forces, just as ALL
'spiritual' communities
and movements are*.
|
| 2006 |
- In March I took up the exceptionally
powerful yet simple self
realization method called The
Work, which appears to have rendered redundant all
my previous emotional healing methods. It brought about spectacular
inner changes for me.
- I still had interference and attacks from astral
('dark')
entities.
which
caused continuing channelling problems and brought about crises through
their attacks, requiring a brief hospitalization
in September and again in October.
- What I took to be my final long hike for this
lifetime
was on 23rd
September,
resulting in an arthritic flare-up of my right knee, which subsequently
remained somewhat troublesome. Had to limit myself to
short local strolls throughout the winter.
- In late December, I got assistance from a
'lightworker'
in
starting to attempt to clear myself of interfering
non-physical
entities and other 'external energetic interferences' (EEIs).
|
| 2007 |
- Continued my attempts at clearance of entities and
other
EEIs,
using that "lightworker's" method, and with his direct assistance at
times.
However, although I made many gains through this process, it became
apparent that the entities issue was still very much with me. I have
subsequently (September 2007) come to realize that both he and I were
being extensively deceived at that time by the astral entities, and few
or no
entities were actually being removed despite 'visuals' being presented
to both of us showing such removal actually happening.
- I took up the EFT
to use as
well as The
Work in my emotional clearance process.
- Very slow improvement of my arthritic knee, allowing
short
local strolls to lead on to a return of the hiking outings, but
naturally I remained limited to relatively short walking
routes
(5-8
miles - a maximum total of about 10 miles including road walking in the
hitch-hikes out and back).
- Following a prompt from the writings of
Steve
Gamble, in April I came to recognise all channelled
scenarios
and 'higher' or 'spiritual' realities as being at least in part the
work of astral ('dark') entities and thus something to completely
avoid. I have
also distanced myself from all supposed past life information about
myself or indeed anyone else. Not only
am I not channelling any more, but I have been removing channelled
information from my Self
Realization
& Clear-Mindedness site, so that it can
focus
much more
effectively
on true self realization without troublesome if alluring sidetracks.
This is explained more in Better
Without Channelling and Exit
'Spirituality' - Enter Clear-Mindedness.
- In May I attended an Energy
Awareness Training workshop led by Stephen and
Lynda Kane, the Energy
Egg people, and had a personal consultation with them
following the
workshop, and gained tremendous life tools from them. These included a
set of powerfully life-enhancing yogic practices, most of them very
energetic, the central one being the Returning
Life Sequence*, which, when used
daily, actually
progressively reverses at least most of the ageing process of one's
energy system. I also learnt from them a simple means of testing the
effects on my energy system of environmental energies, relationships
and actions of mine, both current and prospective - this done without
channelling (very
important!). I experienced immediate great benefits from
these life
tools, rapidly becoming more powerful against the astral ('dark')
entities'
attempts still to unseat me and disrupt my life and turn me away from
true
self realization methods - and now I had means to progressively improve
my
living environment and any and every detail of my daily life to make it
more harmonious with and supportive to my ultimate best interests -
'living with
intent' in the best sense imaginable.
- Since the abovementioned workshop the recovery of my
right
knee has accelerated, allowing increasingly long and hard
hikes. On 11th August, just two days before my reaching the age of 65
and starting to receive the State pension, I walked the strenuous
21-mile coast path route from Exmouth to Beer (actually with a further
2 miles of road walking as part of the outward hitch-hike). Those
practices mentioned above do seem to be working, and that knee is no
longer a limitation for me.
- Also as a result of that workshop and consultation
and the
wonderful self testing methods that Stephen and Lynda taught for
determining what energy influences and choices in one's life (both
current and prospective) are strengthening or weakening for one, I
bought a new and relatively high grade digital camera and started
nature
photography on my hikes once more, setting up a new website - Clear Mind
Photos
- for selling the pick of the photos that I take.
- Subsequently I've been experiencing a pronounced and
accelerating increase in a stable and unwavering deep happiness and
'inner smile', as the astral interferences are progressively cleared
out by the practices which I learnt from Stephen and Lynda Kane, and my
enhancements and additions to them. I describe some of these practices
in Some
Potent
Self Realization /
Healing Practices.
|
| 2008 |
- Early in the year I developed an energy device called the Clarity-Sphere™
to particularly powerfully and comprehensively facilitate self healing,
self realization and clearance from the user of all entities and their
interferences. This further greatly speeded up the process of my own
self realization and clearance of entity interferences.
|