Philip Goddard
Personal Website

Personal Details

Philip Goddard
-- Composer, Writer, Nature Photographer / sound recordist, Promoter of Self-Actualization

N.B. Some of the following information is given with unusual candour and detail about things that most people would keep private. This is not to make a great soap opera out of my life, but to give inspiration and encouragement to others.

Philip Goddard near Land's End - Logan Rock behind. -- September 2006

Philip Goddard near Coverack, the Lizard, Cornwall - Chynhalls Point beyond. -- July 2008
People who are 'sensitive' to other people's 'subtle energy' or 'vibes' will notice a pronounced
difference between the depictions of me in the two photos (i.e., in addition to the presence
/ absence of clothing!). There is quite a story behind that change, as will become apparent
if you read
My Own Self-Actualization 'Path' - Part 1 and My Own Self-Actualization 'Path' - Part 2.


  • Born in Harrow Weald, Middlesex, during the 2nd World War.
  • My night hells (aka 'night terrors') became fully developed. Up to the age of 6, I had an intensely tormenting night-time inner world, in which I seemed to be a wolf-like animal. In that tormented inner world I was pursued by certain types of normally inanimate object, each of which in its menacing animate form had a special name. Thus violin cases narrow end up were sproses, and the same with broad end up were sprouses; room lights that came down from the ceiling, hissing at me (the source of intense terror) were doots, and so on. These terrors overlay my true night terrors (better described as night hells, because actually they include much more than just terror) - a maelstrom of ultra-Satanistic-type 'horror movies' of unremitting power and intensity. In between my fleeing the pursuing terrors, I was desperately seeking company and closeness, which could never be found. An explanation for the whole hellish complex of experiences can be found on my page Night Terrors and Hells - Understanding and Clearing Them.
  • Natural history interest commenced (started with keeping caterpillars).
  • Formal schooling started.

The whole of my formal schooling was something of an abomination and had little to do with the real needs of individual people. It brought me pretty well unremitting unhappiness, both directly and through the great deal of ridicule and bullying that I received; I knew not one person who was truly on my wavelength. ...I suppose it all did teach me something pretty important - that there had to be better ways!
I think it must have been in one of the optional weekly 6th-form periods of extra-curricular talks that sometimes were given by outside speakers that a woman once came and talked about Buddhism. I didn't remember anything much of what she said, and neither did I follow this up directly, but it had sown a seed which marked it as, in an important sense, the most important direct teaching that I received in all my schooling - even though eventually it was to turn out to be very much a two-edged sword, pointing both towards a potential liberation and into horrendous problems, including my own potential nemesis.

  • Abrupt cessation of my night hells. The cessation resulted from my starting to fantasize at night on Dan Dare in the Eagle comic, which brought about sufficient grounding of my awareness for my night hells no longer to be able to operate.
  • Musical interest fully awoke: a first hearing of Stravinsky's Petrouchka hit me like a bombshell. I had an acute shyness about people knowing of my having any musical leanings - to such an extent that I hid my musical interest from virtually everyone, including family and closest (i.e., least distant) friends till I'd moved from my parents' home in 1967. (I've a pretty good idea of the reason!)
1956 onwards
  • It was from about 1956 onwards that I began to experience a range of more or less minor health problems that in 2007 I was able to identify as being aggravated and in some cases caused by low-level mercury poisoning, primarily from my school (Harrow Weald County Grammar School). Most of these health problems have remained with me very long term.
1957 - 1964
  • I went through a phase of keeping (all in my bedroom!) a wide range of animals as 'pets' - lizards, snakes (including boas and pythons) and various more or less small mammals; they were mostly exotic species, but included a breeding colony of tame rats to feed to the snakes.
  • A 21st birthday present of a camera prompted me to start doing nature photography (primarily of insects); this became a decidedly absorbing activity, and replaced my keeping of animals.
  • Moved from my parents' home in Harrow Weald, to Pirbright (Surrey), then in 1969 to Guildford, for a research job at Pirbright, where I took part in a research project on biting midges.
  • Came out into the open about my intense musical interest - though not much so about the tumult of music composing itself within me - and, as though possessed, I built up a large record collection of mostly 20th Century 'classical' music, much of it little known in this country.
  • Driven by a deep suffering, I 'came out' in another way: made my homosexuality* known to all and sundry - not always with exemplary tact!
    * Please see note about homosexuality just below this table.
  • Resolved not to meet or relate with anyone at all on the basis of their gender or sexual orientation - a far-reaching decision much more important than the 'coming out'; I no longer classified myself as 'gay' or 'non-gay', having begun to recognise that my true nature (and other people's) transcended such trivial details. For this I was criticized by some for being 'unnatural' and even 'fascistic'.
  • Stopped all natural history activity, including photography, to give myself more mental space to develop in other ways. For the same reason, I withdrew from my research job and accepted a period of unemployment. Took up Re-evaluation Counselling, a potentially powerful self-liberation technique based on a structured approach to facilitating emotional release. This marked commencement of my ongoing active self-healing / self-actualization process (though at that time I didn't think of it as 'healing', nor as 'self-actualization', nor as 'self-realization'). It did, however, prove to be a very slow and inefficient method, with a number of serious drawbacks and pitfalls, as I recount in the latter link reference. (Would that I had had Self-Power Walking and Grounding Point then!)
  • Started writing highly original and exploratory poetry, much of which had a strong visionary character.
  • Started self-publishing collections of my poetry, mostly as A4 duplicated editions, selling copies locally (i.e., in Guildford) and on a very small scale. This continued till 1977.
  • Joined the Surrey University Choir. Would you believe this - that simple act was probably the bravest thing I've done in this lifetime! The weight of fear to push through was tremendous, and I was shaking like a demented jelly on the evening of that momentous first rehearsal (just Bach's Christmas Oratorio), feeling as though something unspeakably frightful was going to happen to me! I've kept up regular choral singing ever since, mostly in Exeter University Choral Society. Fortunately the fear gradually dissipated over the months and years, so that over the years since I just accepted my many mistakes with peaceful good humour and enjoyed the whole experience.
  • Moved to Exeter to study for a degree at Exeter University.
  • Resumed nature photography, this to develop considerably in 1985, covering primarily insects, plants, lichens and fungi, and wild scenery.
  • Started laboriously writing a series of small-scale rather rudimentary music compositions - mostly initially intended as duets that I could play with a student friend I'd made in the University Choral Society, though a few were songs for bass solo for me to sing, one of them being my 'party piece', the Flapping Duck Song, with which I have caused occasional hilarity over the years. The first of the compositions, a little flute duet entitled simply Study No.1, was some 19 years later to become the foundation of the haunting and troubled 2nd movement of my 6th Symphony, while the second was in 1995 to grow to become my official Opus 1 - the 1st Symphony.
  • First visit to Scottish Highlands, with first experience of solo mountain walking - something that was to be developed and repeated annually in Scotland and sometimes in parts of the Alps.
  • Graduated - for whatever good that did me.
  • Was quietly excluded from the local group of the Re-evaluation Counselling community because the group felt ill at ease with my presence - I was much more strongly motivated for total self-liberation than the others locally and felt increasingly frustrated with their relatively low level of awareness.
  • Started doing regular long, usually solo, single-day hikes on Dartmoor and other wild places, normally hitch-hiking out and back - something that was to develop and continue to the present day as quite a major feature of my life.
  • Closed down the photography. First novels written.
  • Took up the Alexander Technique, an incredibly powerful tool for self-liberation. Quickly and permanently incorporated it into every aspect of my lifestyle.
  • Broke out into full-scale symphonic music composition, using a MIDI sequencer program on the computer.
  • The greatest and most welcome event of my life! (well, up to that point!) Unexpectedly crossed the threshold of enlightenment (so-called 'spiritual' enlightenment', though it actually has nothing to do with 'spirituality') - suddenly concluding that I'd been on a lifelong spiritual path* without even knowing it, and was now on a semblance of the Dzogchen 'path' (generally seen as the highest practice in Buddhism, though in truth its essence is not a specifically Buddhist practice), with an internal 'guide' rather than external guru and no external rituals.
    * Actually this was a distortion of the actual situation, which was to lead me into very serious problems from late 2003 onwards, for what I'd really been on was a self-actualization or self-realization path, but from this point in 1997 I'd allowed myself to get diverted into a so-called spiritual path, which is something actually very different and highly problematical, as I explain in Exit 'Spirituality' - Enter Clear-Mindedness.
  • Made all my literary works available on disk and on my newly created website.
  • Produced CD recordings of all my music compositions, copies of them being made available to others on a very small, non-commercial scale. Started presenting my music compositions on my website
  • Made a very tentative start in spiritual healing by joining a small local group of mostly Reiki-oriented healers who accepted complete novices.
    Yes, and that marked a quite major step towards my near-nemesis at the 'hands' of the garbage (i.e. 'dark force') from late 2003 onwards. I explain about the serious problems relating to ALL the healing traditions, including Reiki, in Am I a Healer?, where I also relate a hazardous, albeit ultimately educational, situation that arose for me from the aforementioned healers' group.
  • Accelerating inner changes brought about by giving and receiving healing and gaining understanding from other mystics and healers.
    Yes, at that time I thought I was a mystic of sorts, and that was a major part of my developing problem. The 'understandings' that I was picking up then were leading me way off-course, away from genuine self-actualization and towards the forthcoming major assault from the garbage, to which I was unwittingly progressively opening myself.

    Also, a significant part of the 'inner changes' that I and indeed other 'spiritually' inclined people around me thought were so super-duper was actually the progressive ungrounding of various aspects of my awareness and actual weakening of my non-physical aspects ('energy system'), and were progressively laying me open for the very serious and potentially lethal shenanigans that were to burst upon me in a few years' time.

  • Carson Cooman, a concert pianist, organist and composer, discovered my work (via this website) and started the no doubt lengthy and tortuous process of promoting my work and encouraging my further creative efforts. He motivated me to get appropriate software to start producing scores of my extant works and started encouraging me to produce organ works which he could perform.
  • It became almost routine this year that on my hiking outings, where I would hitch-hike out to the start and back from the finish of the walk, I discover at least one person who was a healer without knowing it, so that I had the inspiring task of telling the person and advising as to next steps...
    Well, yes, I was doing the very best I knew how at that time, but unfortunately I was pointing all those people in a very problematical direction, as became very clear from what soon happened to me. Since my getting a proper understanding - i.e., from mid-2007 onwards - I dropped putting emphasis on the 'healer' aspect when talking with such people, and instead increasingly pointed to their genuine self-actualization potential and ability instead, indeed warning about the garbage involvement in all the healing traditions.
  • Gained certification as a so-called Reiki 'Master' (Oh well, at least I suppose it may look 'cool' for me to scoff now at my having what many would still regard as a desired / cherished status symbol!).
    I now understand my Reiki involvement to have been distinctly problematical, as explained in My Own Self-Actualization 'Path'. The calling of anyone a Reiki Master - especially after just three workshops and maybe a bit of practice, without regard even to one's suitability to teach healing or Reiki at all - is laughable, apart from the great harm that has come to many people as a result of this. As I now well understand, my certification as a 'Reiki Master' marked a further step in my unwitting increasing involvement with and openness to the garbage (i.e. 'dark force'), which latter was shortly to strenuously seek to take me over, either to make me one of its puppet teachers or to destroy me.
  • Produced three music compositions, all with highly unorthodox instrumentation.
  • The French publisher Musik Fabrik started publishing my works. The proprietor - the virtuoso saxophonist Paul Wehage - commissioned from me a work for saxophone, and what emerged was The Seen and the Unseen, a major and weighty visionary work for two saxophones and piano, which, Paul assured me, is quite unlike anything previously been written for the saxophone. Later in the year I completed Nordic Wilderness Journey, another major visionary work for two saxophones (this time including a contrabass saxophone) and piano, commissioned by the saxophone and clarinet virtuoso Jay Easton.
  • As I was coming up to 60 years old, this summer I decided to get bolder in my hitch-hiking for my weekly hikes, and included in my repertoire of walks certain long and hard coast path routes on the Land's End peninsula and other far-removed parts of Cornwall, still hitch-hiking to and from the route within a single day (from Exeter).
  • My first venture into composing music specifically intended as a background or support to healing work - Ascending.
    Of course, as it turned out, that intention of mine was misguided, and more recently I got recommending people normally not to use music at all when doing any healing work, and I also considerably amended my programme notes for that music work, cautioning the listener to ignore any apparent spiritual associations of parts of it and to listen to it in grounding rather than ungrounding ways.
  • In October, I started channelling from what I took to be my inner guidance, thus innocently 'dropping myself deep in the brown stuff' - for I had fallen into a trap that had been set up for me by the garbage, then having massive disruption and confusions from it, which caused me a lot of trouble.
  • Reduced the length of my hikes, supposedly to allow for more enjoyment of my surroundings and human interaction - though in retrospect I understand that my 'guidance' to make that change had come from the garbage in order to help weaken me to its attacks.
  • Was valiantly and doggedly continuing with my attempted self-healing process in the face of massive interferences and attacks from the garbage, which took me through periods of severe and near-hellish ordeals associated with my channelling, these in January to April and then October and again in December (in the latter two cases resulting in my hospitalization).
    As I came to understand much more recently, the garbage appeared to be running a multi-prong campaign to try to disable me in some way as a potential threat to it and its noxious agenda - as I explain in The 'Dark force' ('Astral Entities') - My Own Tough Experiences. There were clear signs of attempts by various means (a) to take me over and make me into a garbage puppet like the vast majority of prominent 'spiritual teachers' and healers / 'lightworkers', or (b) to wreck me, making me an intractable 'psychiatric case', or (c) to destroy me completely - i.e., to bring about my immediate or at least very premature death.

    I describe my self-healing process then as 'attempted', because really the methods I was using at that time, although widely recognised as supposedly really good, were actually relatively ineffective for major issues. Indeed, as I subsequently came to recognise, the garbage, posing as my inner 'guidance', had been systematically motivating me to stick with inefficient, time-consuming and often wearying methods and to keep clear of any efficient, 'fast-track' methods that I came to hear about.

  • I experienced further crises caused by the garbage's severe attacks on me, but these became progressively less frequent and severe after the (at times) quite desperate-feeling winter and spring. In late August I finally put an embargo on accepting any communications at all from non-physical sources, to remain in force until the 'astral beings' are finally cleared from my energy system* (though actually it wasn't that long before I ill-advisedly resumed some degree of acceptance of 'guidance', supposedly from my own higher consciousness, which of course was really 'more of the same', i.e., the garbage seeking to lead me astray in all sorts of ways).
    * This was actually a confused and distorted understanding, which had arisen from misinformation that the garbage was giving me while it was posing as 'higher guidance'. As I now understand, the garbage is not true beings at all, and such presences cannot be cleared out in the way that I thought at that time (and healers / 'lightworkers' almost universally - but mistakenly - believe to be possible).
    More about the true nature of the garbage in The True Nature of 'The Dark Force' and its Interference and Attacks.
  • Two short stays in the Findhorn community - a real eye-opener! For a time I was considering whether to relocate there, but in 2007 I came to the realization that, despite all its wonderful strong points, that community, and its members individually, are to varying degrees being led by the garbage, just as ALL 'spiritual' communities and movements are*. Therefore it would not be healthy for me to associate myself with that or indeed any similar community in any way, let alone actually stay there again.
    * For more about this issue, please see Exit 'Spirituality' - Enter Clear-Mindedness.
  • In March I took up the exceptionally powerful yet simple inquiry method for clearing emotional issues called The Work, which appeared to have rendered redundant all my previous emotional healing methods. It brought about what seemed at the time to be spectacular inner changes for me.
    At least the changes seemed spectacular compared with the methods I'd been using before, but that was nothing at all compared with the much more 'spectacular' results that my more recent methodology (post mid-May 2007, and especially from 2008 with my beginnings of developing the Clarity-Sphere) has been bringing me.
  • I still had interference and attacks from the garbage, which caused continuing channelling problems and brought about crises through their attacks, requiring a brief hospitalization in September and again in October. See One Right Weirdo Hike - What Do You Make of This?, which relates to what led up to that September hospitalization.
  • What I was very soon to think was my final long hike for this lifetime was a very strenuous and hard-going 21-miler (on the coast path from Mousehole to Cape Cornwall) on 23rd September, leading on to an arthritic flare-up of my right knee, which subsequently remained somewhat troublesome. I had to limit myself to occasional short local strolls throughout the winter.
    Actually it turned out that the arthritis was NOT due to any 'overdoing' of my hiking. All my indications are that that specific outbreak of the affliction had been caused by a serious weakening of particular parts of my 'energy system' that had been caused by a massive potentially lethal psychic attack that had been launched on me during the course of my 'right weirdo hike' (see the link above). Fortunately this was to turn out to be fully healable by the very methods that I was having to take up anyway to get myself progressively clear of the garbage's ongoing interference and attacks.
  • In late December, I got 'assistance' from DZ, a 'lightworker', in starting to attempt to clear myself of interfering non-physical 'entities' and other 'external energetic interferences' (EEIs), as he called them - i.e., really the garbage interferences.
  • Continued my attempts at clearance of 'entities' and other interferences, using DZ's method, and with his direct 'assistance' at times. However, although I made many gains through this process, it became apparent that the 'entities' (i.e., garbage interference and attacks) issue was still very much with me. I subsequently came to realize that both he and I were being extensively deceived at that time by the garbage, and no entities of note were actually being removed despite 'visuals' being presented to both of us showing such removal actually happening. Indeed, I also subsequently established that that DZ had, presumably unawarely, put some harmful energy configurations in my own non-physical aspects. More about all this in My Own Self-Actualization 'Path' - Part 2.
  • I took up the EFT to use as well as The Work in my emotional clearance process.
  • Very slow improvement of my arthritic knee, allowing short local strolls to lead on to a return of the hiking outings, but naturally I remained limited to relatively short walking routes (5-8 miles - a maximum total of about 10 miles including road walking in the hitch-hikes out and back).
  • Following a prompt from the writings of Steve Gamble, in April I came to recognise all channelled scenarios and 'higher' or 'spiritual' realities as being at least in part the work of the garbage and thus something to completely avoid. I also distanced myself from all supposed past life information about myself or indeed anyone else. Not only was I not channelling any more, but I got progressively removing channelled information from my Self-Realization & Clear-Mindedness site, so that it could focus much more effectively on true self-realization without troublesome if alluring sidetracks. This is explained more in Better Without Channelling and Exit 'Spirituality' - Enter Clear-Mindedness.
  • In May I attended a particular workshop from which I gained new life improvement methods that, in my hands, at once proved to be the basis of a full and relatively comprehensive self-actualization methodology that I then started developing. These included a set of powerfully life-enhancing yogic practices, most of them very energetic, the central one being the Returning Life Sequence*, which, when used daily, is claimed to actually progressively reverse most of what is generally taken to be the ageing process of one's energy system. Whether or not that actually categorical claim is really 100% accurate (which somehow I very much doubt!), I had definitely consistent ongoing very positive change that appeared to be associated with my using it.
    I also gained from that workshop a procedure called energy testing, a simple means of testing the effects on me of environmental 'energies' (i.e., non-physical influences), relationships and actions of mine, both current and prospective (this done without channelling - very important!), which I was to extend to make it much more flexible and versatile when used in the right hands.
    I experienced immediate great benefits from these life tools, rapidly becoming more powerful against the garbage's attempts still to unseat me and disrupt my life and turn me away from true self-actualization methods - and now I had means to progressively improve my living environment and every detail of my daily life to make it more harmonious with and supportive to my ultimate best interests - 'living with intent' in the best sense imaginable.
    * More about this in Some Potent Self-Actualization / Healing Practices. As you will see there, I have more recently replaced that with what I call Clarity-Sphere companion practices.
  • Since I took up the aforementioned practices and was thus at last embarking on a really effective self-actualization process the recovery of my right knee accelerated, allowing increasingly long and hard hikes. On 11th August, just two days before my reaching the age of 65 and starting to receive the State pension, I walked the strenuous 21-mile coast path route from Exmouth to Beer (actually with a further 2 miles of road walking as part of the outward hitch-hike). Those practices mentioned above did seem to be working, and that knee was rapidly becoming no longer a limitation for me.
  • Also as a result of the aforementioned practices plus the energy testing, I surprised myself by buying a new and relatively high grade digital camera, and started nature photography on my hikes once more, setting up a new website - Broad Horizon Photos - for selling the pick of the photos that I take.
  • Subsequently I was experiencing a pronounced and accelerating increase in a stable and unwavering deep happiness and 'inner smile', as the garbage interferences were progressively diminished by the recently acquired self-actualization* practices.
    * It is best that I explain here that, as being presented at the workshop, the practices were simply 'life improvement' methods, but because my intent was deeper and broader based, in my hands the methods were effectively proper self-actualization ones.
2008 and 2009
  • Further major positive change in my life and overall life experience, despite and indeed partly because of what turned out in the short term to be an apparent red herring! I'm referring to my ambitious-sounding Clarity-Sphere project, which involved using spheres of suitable stone types supposedly containing special programming that was intended to facilitate one's healing and self-realization process very powerfully indeed. The only catch turned out eventually to be that there had been a flaw in my energy testing that didn't come to light till late December 2009, which had enabled a whole 'ideal' fantasy to be progressively built up about use of these stone spheres on the basis of that programming, which latter actually was fictitious and had never happened! As soon as I eventually found that the spheres really had no programming, I had no alternative to publicly drop the Clarity-Sphere project and any project that depended on the actually imaginary Clarity-Sphere programming.

    However, it was very evident that the Clarity-Sphere project did benefit me in many ways, helping my healing / self-actualization process and the progressive reduction of garbage interferences and attacks. This was because I put much store in using various healing and clearance methods with my working 'Clarity-Sphere', and those methods were all valid and effective in their own right as healing and self-actualization methods*, and the aventurine sphere that I was using worked excellently for the purpose as 'surrogate' and also resonator and focus of one's healing and positive intents. It is just that there was no actual programming that would have still further enhanced those methods and added many additional major benefits.

    * I don't mean this to sound like a sort of lame apology for what I was doing, for the results of the methods were very much at the top end of what one would get from healing methods generally, AND went beyond them in being free from distortions from troublesome external influences, through working consistently from my own deepest aspects rather than the usual sort of things like 'calling in the Light' or working with supposed guides or angels, which actually all cause major problems and were part of what had dropped me into such big trouble in 2003. Various other people who were using 'Clarity-Spheres' reported the same sorts of beneficial effects that I appeared to be getting from mine.

    Indeed, at the beginning of 2010 I was to produce a new web page to replace the Clarity-Sphere one, entitled Stone Spheres as Healing and Self-Actualization Aids, which shows how you can use polished spheres of suitable stone type as very effective healing aids.

    In any case, really the Clarity-Sphere project had not at all been discarded, but it had simply been 'put on the back burner' to await my future experimentations with polished stone spheres to see if there were in fact some way that I could at least eventually start programming them with some sort of Clarity-Sphere functionality.

  • One major feature of 2009 was my healing of a 3rd Degree tear ('rupture') of my right quadriceps muscle (the big one on the front of the thigh) to the extent that several months later I was walking hikes of full length and strenuousness again, with no pain or noticeable sense of weakness in that leg - though I was to remain with slightly reduced combined leg power so that the hardest walks took a little longer.
  • marble sphereSo, I started 2010 with a lot of the same methods as in 2009, but a more rigorous approach to inner inquiry and energy testing, and no further distracting illusions about possibilities that are effectively nonexistent, and indeed having greater assistance through expanded use of the Energy Egg family of 'energy protection' / healing devices, and indeed of a very nice polished marble sphere.
    This approach kept things more down to earth and helped to avoid any further time (and money!) wasting, and would undoubtedly further speed my clearance of the remaining interferences from troublesome influences.
  • Life rapidly becoming still more 'free' and joyful in nature, with the garbage shenanigans very much sidelined - and I developed very quick and simple procedures to use on the rare occasions when I did notice a hint of an attack. Amazing that people read about all this on my Self-Realization site and then still seek to tell me and others that I'm writing a lot of rubbish and I ought to be using their own favourite belief system, with all the ineffective and garbage connecting methods based on it.
  • In late 2010 I started on a new tack with experimental attempts to progressively build up some sort of beneficial programming in my working marble sphere, having chosen a larger and thus potentially more powerful one to use for the purpose. This did appear to be starting to 'get somewhere'.
  • My prototype new-concept Clarity-Sphere (C-S) came increasingly into focus during the first months of this year, and it was not long before I was able to discontinue completely my use of the Energy Egg 'family' of devices, provisionally declaring them redundant, and use my C-S setup as my sole 'physical' aid, so simplifying things considerably. I was also able to reduce the number of practices that I was using each day to a more workable minimum and so live my life in a somewhat better balanced manner.
    Yes, garbage interference and attacks still were coming my way, BUT it was at a still lower level than last year, with noticeable events still progressively more infrequent. I was able to nip any attempt of an attack in the bud with very simple and quick procedures.
    Indeed, on one late evening in April I gave my new procedures for dissolving attacks a very challenging test, for I deliberately did something that I knew would precipitate a massive garbage attack, and then, when that attack was coming on really hellishly and it was superficially feeling that I'd 'done it' and was now being taken over and destroyed, I simply set to with the two main procedures for dissolving attacks, and had cleared that attack within an hour.
  • If the world came to an end this year, or 'ascended' into some supposed 'higher order' or the 'fifth dimension' or whatever, as various cults and factions were claiming would happen, I personally have not been aware of this, and indeed was grounded enough not particularly to be expecting any such thing to be happening at this time!
    For me, the year overall was plagued by a problem with pain in my left foot, and I devote a whole page on this site to it: My Little Brush with Plantar Fasciitis. As you would read there, except for a time in the spring, the pain was actually NOT plantar fasciitis at all but a further attempt by the disgusting garbage to disrupt and indeed destroy my life, this time by hijacking minor discomforts caused by slight strains in my left leg, and grossly amplifying and distorting them and projecting them into various parts of my left foot or/and ankle to mimic not only plantar fasciitis but also various other painful strain conditions, the pain getting fairly severe at times and making me afraid even to go out shopping.
    It was not until late August that I twigged as to what was really happening, but at least then, with an immense sigh of relief I was able to start the process of turning the situation around and getting back into hiking again. It proved much slower than I had expected to get clear of the issue, which came and went a lot and was still not fully cleared by the end of the year. At least over those last few months of the year the intrusions of that phantom pain became progressively less, and overall the pain still becomes less and less of an issue - also the ankle and foot feeling stronger and more secure again.
  • In June I commenced a new project - Broad Horizon Natural Soundscapes. However after making my first few recordings then (near Crackington Haven and Boscastle, Cornwall), the foot pain issue got so disruptive that the project was put on hold and it was not till into the autumn that I progressively got back into going out on hikes and getting various wonderful sea recordings in the process. Since then, certain sea recordings that I have obtained are among the most thrilling and beautiful natural soundscape recordings that I have ever heard.
  • In November I commenced a sub-project within Broad Horizon Natural Soundscapes - Wind Chimes in the Wild - Symphonies of Wind Chimes and Nature, goaded into that project by discovering that all the commercial wind chimes recordings that I could locate were really an affront and insult to the buyer, because they all had one or more unannounced faked components that greatly limited their ability to be a healthy or really satisfying or enjoyable experience. There is much more to really good wind chimes recordings than just a monotonous soporific tinkling (i.e., however sweet sounding), and my own vibrant and engaging recordings demonstrate just how true that is.
  • The remains of last year's foot pain issue faded away during the first two months, enabling me to get on with my hiking outings once more. Also, that meant that I could get on with making the natural soundscape and Wind Chimes in the Wild recordings that I wanted to - and it proved to be a busy year for me in that respect. Subjects of long recordings (generally 30 to occasionally more than 75 minutes) included spectacular sea sounds along the more rugged Cornish cliffs (including booming caves and quite violently active blowholes), Dartmoor streams, bird sounds, including skylarks on remotest Dartmoor and choughs at cliffs near Land's End), more wind chimes in the Teign Gorge but also smaller wind chimes on top of various wild and rugged Cornish sea cliffs - and so on.
  • In April I started setting up commercial CDs of my recordings at CreateSpace. By the end of the year I had submitted over 100 CDs, each using my own artwork for the CD cases, notably using photos that I took of the respective recording situations / set-ups. You can listen to excerpts of the CD tracks in my e-Store:
  • The only really significant way that the garbage was able to mar my general life experience this year was through causing excess tension in certain neck muscles and then greatly amplifying the slight discomforts thus produced, to make my neck very painful for moving my head, with quite troublesome spasming-type pains (yes, that was despite my ongoing use of the Alexander Technique, which had saved me from significant neck pain for many years!). However, I got working on that, and even at worst, the garbage did not succeed in getting me to abandon outings and other beneficial activities. There are signs that the situation is improving 'under the bonnet', so that a slow fade-out of the pains and stiffness will shortly become noticeable - but of course only time will tell...
  • Set up all my recordings of MIDI realizations of my music compositions as commercial CDs, using Createspace. See my Music Store.
  • For the first time I tried having a few all-night sessions for recording very full dawn choruses and whatever else that whole period 'out on the tiles' might get me, taking advantage of the short nights in mid- to late June. That was an especial challenge for me as I had had an apparently lifelong dread of being on my own out in the wilds in the dark - a fear that I reckoned should have been cleared by then through use of my self-actualization methods. These proved to be real peak experiences, with not a smidgeon of fear and much celebratory joy at experiencing Nature as I'd not done before. Not only did I get very beautiful long dawn chorus recordings, but also got my introduction (darkest hours only) to the breathtakingly bizarre 'demonic' sound of Manx shearwaters, managing to get excellent long recordings with the shearwaters coming in and out of focus through the sea sound.
  • My neck definitely loosening up, albeit at much less than snail pace. Still a bit painful and awkward turning my head around, but nothing like it was over the previous two years. Late in the year the rate of improvement seemed to be increasing.
  • Published all my literary works, using Createspace, as quality paperback books and also as Kindle e-books. I revisited my unfinished 6th novel and completed it as a short novel - and actually in its new, complete form it is a particular favourite of mine. Its title: Forbidden Flood Warning (The Bishop's Little Wet Dream). Please see my Bookstore.
  • In June again I fitted in a few all-night sessions for recording of natural soundscapes - again wonderful experiences, the solitude and not camping all helping to make the experience.
  • A week or two before my 73rd birthday I had one of my solo hikes, from Exmouth to Seaton, with no more difficulty and actually less leg fatigue afterwards than I used to get on that route decades ago. 23 miles and approaching 1200 metres of ascent. Must be doing something right!
  • In December I stumbled into a rather unlikely experimental project of a boldness that would mark me out in the eyes of 'sheep' as plain insane! I blush to mention it - after all, what would the neighbours think! - Anyway, for what it is worth, the project is described in 'The Astral' About to be Closed Down?. Just please, please, read it carefully enough to succeed in reading what I am actually saying there - not what you think I am saying! image
    Now, if by any chance that one really did work out, it really would be one absolutely unprecedented great pinnacle of a life achievement!

*A note about the homosexuality angle

It is incorrect to single out homosexuality as though it is 'a condition' or something wrong with a person (or indeed as some sort of perverse choice that a person makes!). The issue is NOT homosexuality but sexual orientation, whichever way it points. EITHER sexual orientation, if observable, is an imbalance, which in some people is innate and in others is a result of (at least theoretically) rectifiable malfunction.

Fear derived from the oppressive attitudes towards homosexuality in most cultures (yes, even today in Britain) causes many people to be fiercely defensive of their homosexuality as 'natural' and innate. As noted above, the truth appears to be that for some people the homosexuality is effectively innate, in the sense that personal 'growth' and healing will not change it, while for others it is the result of some type of emotional malfunction or imbalance of the 'subtle energies', which derives from either particular experiences earlier in the person's life (very unusual) or from emotional traumas belonging to one of the parasitic 'lost' souls attached to the person (the normal situation if the sexual orientation is a product of malfunction). Simply feeling that your own homosexuality is innate and not the product of malfunction tells you nothing about what your actual situation is! Much earlier in my life I couldn't bear the idea that my own homosexuality might be the product of malfunction, because the oppressive attitudes all around viewed it as that anyway without reference to what the true situation might be.

In my own case various experiences and insights eventually convinced me that my own homosexuality was most likely caused by some malfunction that I could eventually work through and dissolve - but I saw this in the reassuring context that in reality pretty well everyone, unbeknown to themselves, is affected by malfunction in their sexuality, no matter what their orientation. In an important sense, apparently successful and 'normal' people have the greater problem with regard to developing towards 'wholeness', because the sheer normality of their package of malfunctions leaves them with little idea of how much they could still change for the better, and of course they have little or no motivation for change.

Since 2007, progress in my self-actualization work has led me to the following understanding:

My sexual orientation in this lifetime is not in any way a malfunction that can dissolve. It is something of a side-effect of certain configurations in my non-physical aspects that underlie the particular qualities and aptitudes of mine that make me able to carry out my particular genuine life task(s), which have a lot to do with promoting self-actualization in others and also weakening, and encouraging others to weaken, the garbage and its interferences in our lives. Various other people who have similar underlying life tasks (whether or not those tasks have ever become actualized) would also have a homosexual orientation. This does NOT mean, however, that I and these other people are 'meant' to be acting as more or less stereotypical 'gays' or 'homosexuals', for actually anything like the normal preoccupation with eroticism and also with attached 'close' relationships would be a major obstacle to the purposeful self-actualization process that is part of our life task.

Yes, you upholders of 'Christian family values' etc, please note - my 'homosexuality' can actually be seen as part of the "Ultimate's" design! 'The Ultimate' (fundamental consciousness - the underlying level of consciousness itself) works in more wonderful, flexible and loving ways than you've yet learnt about, and puts to shame the squalid works of what you call 'God' (an invention of the garbage (i.e., yes, the 'dark force'))!

You psychiatrists and plain sexual bigots out there, make of all this what you will! Am I sick? Am I depraved? Am I perverted, inverted or convoluted, neurotic, quixotic or bubonic? Am I plain insane? Or have I by some teeny weeny chance just possibly broken through a little crack in the ignorance that defends itself as 'normality' and gained a real hold and insight upon the true, underlying nature of myself and other human beings? Answers on a postcard, please... (addressed to God, or Winnie the Pooh, if different...)


"It's really cool to be normal..."

Portrait of a normal person

Why are you banging your head against that wall?

Sorry, I don't have time to stop and think about such things. I'm too busy banging my head against this wall. -- Oh, please do me a favour and pass the Paracetamol... -- And while you are about it, please bring the television round here so that I can watch it while I'm banging my head on this wall. You do need some entertainment to make life bearable, you know...
(later) ...So, you're still banging your head against that wall, then!
Do you really mean that I shouldn't do what I enjoy? People should be free to do what they enjoy! That's what we're here for - to enjoy ourselves!

Portrait of a self-actualized, healthily functioning person

Why aren't you banging your head against that wall?

Oh, that! I tried it a long time ago, and it hurt and was most incredibly boring. Just look at my freedom and clarity and ease of being and all the happiness and abundance in my life now because I don't keep doing that silly thing and getting stuck in pointless ruts!

Well, in that case, at least you should take some Haloperidol to help cure you of your condition.

- Er, you're telling me that H- (expletive censored) is a self-actualization aid and brings happiness and abundance and positivity to one's life?

...And also you should use your television more, to help cure you...

What television? Where? My life is so full of wonderful things, why would I need one of those? ...Okay, if I ever have cause to get a big hole made in my head I'll consider getting a television at the same time...

(later) ...I see you're still not banging your head against that wall! Don't you ever let your hair down and enjoy yourself? You really should, you know. It's unnatural and not normal if you don't just let go and enjoy yourself a bit. ...You're nuts!

Then best not to eat me if you're sensitive to them!

Are you really so sure you want to be 'normal'?

Some 'Favourite' composers

The word 'favourite' is really not right, as it implies a simple classification on the basis of a primitive 'like / dislike' response. I use the word here simply as a convenient label for those creative artists who in some way have given me particularly important positive experiences. The composers aren't listed in any special order, and the following list is very far from exhaustive; I couldn't pick out a simple small bunch of favourites in the conventional sense.

Where particular works are named, except where otherwise indicated the message is that apart from those works the composer in question doesn't do that much for me. In the case of Mozart and especially Beethoven this has nothing to do with my view of the stature of their music (indeed I feel Beethoven to be a great kindred spirit), but simply the general lack of resonance I have with the musical idiom of the period from (say) Bach up to the start of the 20th century.

Western Classical


I explored much non-classical and especially rock music, back in the early- to mid-1970s. Although I certainly gained from that I didn't find sufficient variety or depth in such music to sustain my interest. Also I usually found song lyrics trivial or / and offensive through their sexism and emotional reactiveness. This is not a statement of judgment about any music type, but of simple fact that I didn't find much to resonate with personally in those types of music.

Nowadays I recognise that such music simply doesn't resonate with any really deep awareness, and indeed tends to resonate with closed-down awareness, which is why the majority of people are controlled by the garbage (i.e.,'dark force') into preferring such types of music - for the purpose of cultivating limitation on and shallowness of people's awareness, to keep them right away from self-actualization and still further into the control of the garbage.

I was sometimes accused of having 'narrow' musical tastes, but this was always by people who had no inkling of the huge range of types and idioms of music encompassed by the term 'classical'. Not one such criticizer knew more than a handful of classical composers, yet they happily described their own musical tastes as 'broad' and mine as 'narrow'.

'Favourite' and influential writers

I have read remarkably little and cannot give a meaningful list. I've read and enjoyed Tolkien, of course, and Mervyn Peake, Hermann Hesse, Ray Bradbury; various science fiction writers - special mention to Arthur C. Clarke's Childhood's End, The City and the Stars and 2,001 - A Space Odyssey (the book I mean - not the film with all its visual and musical distractions). And of course Salman Rushdie, about whose work I have healthily mixed views. Shakespeare was inevitably rammed down my throat when I was young.

While I've never really enjoyed Shakespeare, I think his work was influential in showing me how a story line could be filled with all manner of allusions and deeper layers of meaning, so providing a treasure house of experience for those who are prepared to re-read the work and look below the surface. This is very much a feature of most of my own literary writing, though developed in my own quite different way.

Writers such as Franz Kafka, William Burroughs and Hubert Selby Jnr (Last Exit to Brooklyn) can't rate as favourites in the pleasure stakes, but have been powerfully influential in somehow giving me an inner permission to allow my own craziness and inner experiences to flow into my creative work rather than try to fit the work into prescribed forms or please particular people.

I'm sure there are many wonderful writers out there, but as an active creative artist myself I simply don't have the time and resources to locate their work and read it - and these days what reading time I have is given primarily to books on self-realization and healing, not fiction.

As to poets - you may not believe this, but for the most part I do not read or particularly enjoy poetry. This fact has brought me harsh criticism from time to time on account of my writing poetry. According to various people I'm not entitled to communicate things to other beings in poetic form unless I read other poets' work widely too, and so therefore, I'm told, I'm very arrogant. Hmmm... Yes...

Let's bear in mind that, whatever the correctness or otherwise of such criticisms of me, they first and foremost reflect something that the criticizers don't like about themselves - we are all 'mirrors' to each other. If the criticizers, instead of overtly criticizing, subjected their criticizing thoughts to inquiry using The Work, or better, 'zapped' them by use of the Grounding Point method, they would wonderfully transform their own lives.

'Favourite' painters

Although not tremendously versed in the work of the great painters, I can list a small number who have made a deep impression upon me or / and with whom I feel an affinity. I shall no doubt add a few more as I remember or discover them. These are not listed in any deliberate order of preference.

"Today's mighty oak is just yesterday's nut that held its ground."
That must be why I see myself as two mighty oak trees...